Learn art of comfort
Some comfort, or sound like Schadenfreude, or like a boast comfort people can do want comfort, but because they do not understand the art of comfort, not only not to comfort others, may well formation damage. Although insiders do not have to pay attention to, but do not pay attention to this top, friends do is also possible. When others of their own alienated and confused, think kindness was as an intention, in fact, had their own comfort it liver hurts me.
Many people tried to comfort people do not know how to comfort, it is hardly surprising that they, because they hurt when others give comfort, may not be in place, the way they used to such a familiar comfort, then pass it on to others, it may not be intentional damage, but out of ignorance.
All of us, is the lack of power, wait for the other, but nothing, after all, this is not a substitute for, comforted each other and can’t find the right words and actions, and anxiety.
On a rough dry:
1, in order to comfort people, their ability to foot.
The best comfort, not to solve problems. Why people sad? Others worried about what? Some things may be their problem too, but may not solve some things but you can. Go root of the problem, not floating on the surface, a few nice words is good, but more powerful. Normally should develop capabilities, the key moment will come in handy. A friend worried about scars after the operation, the thing I don’t understand, but I well versed in cosmetic surgery doctor friend, and know that imported drugs works well, so I bought her off.
Put yourself in, offer to help is often the most effective way. If you ask people directly “is there I can do to help? “Others may not be the nerve to say, exploring problems stretched out a helping hand, it would be better.
2, the restrained mood, control emotions.
One friend said, a friend died suddenly, widow of continuously received various telephone calls of sympathy, some people spoke and began to cry, widow to break the comfort of others in the past. This reverses the roles, although in good faith, but does not meet the purpose of comforting, emotional restraint of the restraint.
Some people with marital problems, so the men how a bunch of girlfriends called slag, urging a divorce, and later, the couple reconciled, and girlfriends also alienated. In such cases, the parties may call, no one else can, curse, not showing much loyalty, don’t scold, is not without concern, comfort comes in many ways, not necessarily had to scold a dog person.
Once upon a time, friends divorced and with her for a walk in the city, walked half a city, don’t talk, just to walk in silence with. She never scolded hubby, I did not mention. The man slowly fade out. She later organized a family very happy.
3, stand in each other’s point of view.
Frankly, some comfort like a show, just to express “I care about you”, “when you’re not happy, and I have no vacancy”, but is there to give you excellent value comfort, it’s bad to say. TVB dramas in the classic “you’re hungry or not? I’ll get you noodles “, though old, it really is true comfort, much better than the beginning. But it’s not enough, why not? Because just standing in their own point of view, without consideration for the other party: people like to eat noodles? If you want to eat the ravioli?
Anything happen, of course, a reason, not hindsight, show their Huan-ming, complain about each other’s missteps, because things have happened, and complained to no avail, not to mention the other heart is very bad, with reminders, as well to divert attention.
4, listening and company.
Gently hold other of hand, embrace, listening other of told, not interrupted, nodded response, help other wipe to tears, cooking to other eat, gift music and books, do other can transfer attention of things, not complained, not displayed bored, if think some words not convenient opening told, wrote e-mail or wrote in stationery Shang, convey mind, help other analysis encountered of problem, to out recommends of solution programme, help other connection available of resources, block other do hurt himself of thing, necessary of when, Trying to pull each other together to exercise and feel natural.
Who will encounter hard times in life, accompanied by friends to get through hard times, with warmth and meticulous care help friend alone in the night, the comfort is really moving comfort.